How did I end up here…?
10 April 2025
In my life, these themes: music, encounter, cultural development, the healing forces of nature and social transformation always intertwined: after my high school graduation, I went to study piano at the conservatory. At the same time, the idea of becoming a musician in an ivory tower frightened me, always studying, preoccupied with the perfection of centuries-old music, with no feeling for the needs of our time…? Then IDRIART came on my path: Iniative for the Development of Intercultural Relationships through Art, led by Slovenian violinist Miha Pogacnik. I joined his festivals, which took place in regions where wars or conflicts were raging or had raged, such as the Balkans. He stood among the refugees playing Bach’s Partitas, and this inspired me enormously. He showed that it really is true: art and music can bring people together. I became active, helped organize, started giving workshops myself in which I played piano music and explored with the audience the deeper wisdom hidden in it. Meanwhile, I continued my studies at the conservatory. In parallel, I studied history for one year at Utrecht University. I came into contact with Melaine McDonald, a eurythmist, and began accompanying her eurythmy performances as a pianist, throughout half of Europe and later also in Russia and the United States. Through a performance at a youth conference in Ann Arbor, Michigan (United States), I met Dennis Klocek, a wise teacher who offered a course in Sacramento, California, in personal development, mindfulness avant la lettre, and phenomenological observation called Goethean Studies. After graduating from the conservatory in 1998, I left for California to take this course, interspersed with several tours as a pianist. I became involved in organizing a large youth conference in California in the summer of 1999, where Dennis Klocek was the keynote speaker.
At my final exam as a concert pianist in Amsterdam, I played a piece by contemporary composer Elmar Lampson, who was present himself. His brother Holger was founder of the Musikseminar Hamburg, a private conservatory (and then husband of Melaine McDonald). He asked me to come to Hamburg and lead the first-year course of this program. So I left California for Hamburg and worked there for eight years at the Musikseminar, where I also assumed responsibility in managing the school. From 2002 on I studied orchestral conducting in parallel at the Hochschule für Musik Hamburg. After having enthusiastically helped young people take their first steps toward a professional career in music for over 7 years, it was the attraction of the large repertoire that moved me to work as Correpetiteur (pianist) and Kapellmeister (conductor) in theaters in Germany. I worked in Osnabrück, Flensburg and Bielefeld, cities each with their own opera theater where opera, drama, dance/ballet, children’s performances and symphonic concerts are on the program. Here I worked daily with singers, at the piano, in the orchestra, as a conductor, during direction rehearsals for the opera. And with the many other people who work together in such a theater: stage technicians, administration and artistic direction, choir and orchestra members, actors, dancers…. An incredibly diverse workplace. I had the privilege of conducting many wonderful operas: from Mozart’s Zauberflöte to Puccini’s Tosca and Wagner’s Tannhäuser. At the Theater Bielefeld, I also became “Studienleiter,” meaning that I was responsible for rehearsing parts with the singers and for the daily planning of rehearsals for pianists and singers. I also participated in the long-term planning of repertoire and the casting of solo roles. My own productions had an emphasis on the repertoire of the 17th and 18th centuries, so I also played a lot of harpsichord and fortepiano. Yet all these responsibilities took a heavy toll on me. I was always demanding and critical of myself and judged myself negatively. This led to growing insecurity and, in the long run, to more and more stress. I also did not feel well supported by my immediate superior. Gradually it became clear to me that I could not stay here. Carefully I began to think about other occupations….
By chance (?), I stumbled upon an announcement of a mediation training course run by the father of a former high school classmate. I was greatly attracted to it and decided to enroll in it. I was still combining the first modules with my job in theater, which I had since quit (at the end of the season).
To be continued…
